Shop With Me

Friday, April 30, 2010

Rules for Becoming a Tennesseean

Well, there are a lot of Northerners moving south. Making East Tennessee your home state is fine but you gotta know the rules.

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it.

5.. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 cornpickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in Eastern Tennessee waves. It's called being friendly.Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in,we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available, at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10... We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless ofage.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair..

15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards- - it spooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain'tmusic, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.

20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.

That's it For Today.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Which Winter?

Well, in the springtime here in the northeastern corner of Tennessee we see a lot of different changes in the weather. Somedays it is warm and the ground begins to thaw, then it might be so hot you think summer is upon us. The next few days we might get a cold snap with rain, snow, sleet and lots of wind. The oldtimers predicted the changing of spring by the blooming trees and the different types of winters as they called them.

After the January thaw and the groundhog has seen his shadow the ground begins to thaw a little the winters begin.

Beginning with the first few warm days as the ground begin to thaw the serviceberry (Sarvisberry) trees would be the first to bloom. This would be called Sarvis Winter and to the old timers, meant the return of the circuit riding preacher. After the long long winter the ground would be thawed enough to have funerals and bury the dead. The snow white blooms of the serviceberry trees would be used to honor the dead at the "church sarvices" Thus the name Sarvis Winter.

If there was a cold snap when the Locust trees were in bloom it would be called Locust Winter. It usually isn't very long or cold.
For example it could be snowing in the morning and record breaking temperatures by afternoon.

The next tree to bloom was the redbud. If the weather turns cold while the redbuds are in bloom it is called Redbud Winter.
Only the hardiest crops would be planted before this cold spell.

Dogwood Winter comes after a few days of warm weather and brings several days of cold, weather and the possibility of a killing frost. Planting the tender crops should wait until after the Dogwood has bloomed. Oldtimers sometimes used the blooming of the Dogwood as a sign to plant their corn.

Blackberry Winter is probably the most widely know of the winters. The oldtimers knew that the blackberry canes needed a cold snap to set the buds, so the cold snap during the blackberry blooming was called Blackberry Winter. Blackberry Winter is normally not as harsh as some of the other winters. The soil is warmer and drier now so tender crops could be planted without much danger of being frostbitten.

Linsey-Woolsey Britches Winter is the winter only the oldtimers heard about. That was back in the day when they wore homespun clothing and it was when you could shed your "long johns" for cooler, lighter clothing.

Whiporwill Winter is the last little cold snap we get after the Whipporwill has migrated north from Mexico. Its that last surge of arctic air. It's not as cold and doesn't last long or do much as much damage as some of the other winters.

After a long hard winter and spring with all the cold snaps summer can't be that far away---or can it?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Perks of Old Age

Well, someone reminided me I am not getting older just better. I thought I would share a few perks of old age with you.

Perks of Old Age

1. Kidnappers are not very interested
in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are
likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run into a
burning building.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I
wake you?”

5. People no longer view you as a

6. There is nothing left to learn the
hard way....

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 P.M.

9. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

10. You enjoy hearing about other
people’s operations.

That's it for today!!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Plantin' By The Signs

Well, spring is here and it is garden making time. The old timers swear by planting by the signs. It was the same way when I was growing up. Probably the two most important books in our house were the Old Farmer's Almanac and the Roaman's Calendar. The calendar has an explanation of the zodiac signs, weather chart and almanac calendar.

There seemed to be a particular way to plant crops and the garden. For instance, we planted the "root crops" such as potatoes, onions, beets, radishes and turnips in the dark of the moon. The dark of the moon means the moon is waning or between the full moon and the new moon when the nights are darker.

We planted corn, tomatoes, peas and beans in the light of the moon. The light of the moon refers to the waxing or the days between the new and the full moon.

We always planted our lettuce at the same time we sowed the tobacco bed, usually around the middle of February or Valentine's Day. May 1st is the date for planting cucumbers. We always had the prettiest and best turnips when they were planted on the 25th of July. My Dad always planted potatoes on Good Friday and we always had lots of potatoes. If you plant them in the new of the moon you have nice big pretty vines but few potatoes.

One old timer says when the leaves on the oak trees are as big as a squirrel's ear it is time to plant corn - never before. Another old timer says you can't plant corn until after the dogwood blooms. If you plant corn on the new of the moon it will grow really tall but if there was a good windstorm it would blows it right over and it doesn't make good corn.

We always depended on the signs for harvesting the crops too. If you don't want your potatoes to spoil you dig them in the third or fourth quarter. If you dig them in the first quarter and happen to bruise or cut them they will rot everytime. Apples are the same way - pick them on the waning of the moon.

Ramon's Calendar contains information about the signs, the moon, the weather and the zodiac. It will also give you information such as how many bushels of ear corn are in your corn crib. Now I bet you really wanted to know that - didn't you?

If you want information about the best funeral home in town that is there for you too!
That's it for today.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

New Computer

Well, I have a new computer to replace my stolen one---Expect more blogs in the near future--and TONS of photos!!!
That's it for today!!!